Dawn

So much has changed and yet nothing at all.

I don't know if anybody reads this blog. I'd be surprised if they do- Kurt? Becca? Lizzy? Who knows? If they do read this, damn, they have perseverance, considering I haven't posted here in what seems like years.

And now I feel as though I have nothing to say. I know I do. I just don't know what it is.

But life comes at you without warning, they say, they say it happens without warning and so I'm sitting here with a warning wondering if it'll ever happen.

I feel like repeating I Don't Know over and over again but that's a loop and I can't stand loops. I need to move on past this past this so cliche high school crap and move on. I said to Roze that once I find the answers to everything then I can act confidently and decisively, and then I realized that those people are usually wrong, the ones that can move like that. So here I am, like a giant blue heron, so Becca says, bobbing and gracelessly weaving through the world. I felt so good in San Diego, damn it, and the longer I'm back here the worse I feel about myself, and I feel as though I'm so fucking concerned with physical images I'm letting my mind go to waste.

I sincerely believe I'm destined to do something great. I feel as though I was meant to make a difference, and I know I've always felt that, and I'm just waiting for the day. I know I am meant to be a groundbreaker, a pioneer, a visionary. I want to save the world, and I swear to myself that I will someday. A life without making a difference is a life failed.

I just hope that I know what to do when the time comes.