You thought you knew better

FUCK YOU.
I know you're trying to control me. You're trying to make me go back there. I won't do it! I learned! That dream is GONE, ok? Jesus fucking christ. I'm working on it. It's being erased. That hopeless hope, the sort of hope that leaves me alone and empty, is over and gone. I don't want to sink back into this anymore, because I'm not that sort of person anymore, right? I learned from this, right? Please, tell me I was right.

I can't take this anymore. I will not do this again. I wasted my LIFE feeling lost and empty and morose, and then when I got what I wanted I wasn't happy either! I'm deluding myself! Nobody can ever come close to what I want, so why can't I just drop it?

You want me to see that it's wrong. You want me to see that I could be happy if only I was straight. That's not the way it works, you worthless deity. I didn't choose this. I can't fucking change it any more than I could change my skin color to purple. So could you just leave me STOP MAKING ME SMELL HIM DAMMIT.

He's gone! I ended it! So leave me alone, ok? What do you want from me?

what the hell do you want from me?