Spiritus Sancti

I'm beginning to realize how completely addicted to music I am. It's reached the point where I can't focus on anything if there is not music playing in the background. Rather scary, I think. But hey, its a better addiction than some.
Life is how you make it, they say. Is it? There are many debates about what affects the way a child matures, whether its genetic or environmental. But I think there's another factor- the child's attitude. It is easy to live a life where you always think you're getting cheated, where everything is a struggle for happiness. To live like that takes mental effort, on a subconscious level. What if your mental perspective was that everything was wonderful? Everything in life has a bright side, a silver lining to every cloud? I know people with that mentality and in general, they are much more pleasant people than the everybody's out to get me people. I suppose that's obvious, but my point is that your mental outlook determines much of who you are as a person.
Take yesterday, for example. I had lost my binder in the locker rooms and I was all ready to be upset about it. But then I realized- I really didn't lose much. My iPod and calculator were in my backpack, and it was only the 4th week of school. And there was a brilliant excuse not to do my homework. So I arrived at school rather unconcerned, knowing that the worst case was bad, but it wasn't the end of the world. And guess what? I found my binder. So its all good.
Anyhoo, there's a scary physics test coming up Thursday. However, there is a late-start day tomorrow! (Find the silver lining...)
I'll shut up now.
Erik Out.

Destroyed.

Color progresses to black and white, which progresses to sepia. Eventually the picture fades out entirely. One by one, the pieces of who I am fall off, abandoning a sinking ship like rats.
"Love Forever" means nothing. Forever is just another term for "until you're not important anymore." Or, "Until I don't need you anymore."

Stuart or whoever it was that posted last, I don't know if you bothered reading my comment in reply to your comments, but you are not welcome to post stuff like that on my blog. I take offense to you implying I'm "ignorant" and a "bleeding heart liberal." So fuck off- I didn't ask for your opinion. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it. My blog is not a fire hydrant for you to piss on; spout your rubbish on your own blog or in YAB and leave me alone.

And so it goes...

Right now, in Sudan, there is a genocide going on. People are being burned alive, raped, tortured, and murdered in droves. It is possibly the worst violation of human rights since the Holocaust. Janjaweed, Sudanese Arab militia, prowl Darfur to "cleanse" a certain race from the gene pool by the most brutal means seen in the modern world. And what do we do? As Americans? We sit in our homes and watch The Daily Show and The Simpsons, while across the world thousands of people are screaming in agony as they are tossed into human bonfires. You would think this would be important, but it seems that it actually is not.
I cannot express the disgust I have for our leaders. Bush tours the country, mocking John Kerry, who tries to appear "likable" by appearing on immature talk shows. Neither man is doing anything to save these people in Africa. Do you know why? Nobody cares. We have a massive case of apathy that neither experience nor bloodshed can cure. The Africans are viewed by us on the same plane as cattle. At this point you're probably vehemently denying it, but think about for just one minute. Could you care less about these people? Its a soft coccoon of ignorance that we've wrapped ourselves in, hiding ourselves from the brutal world outside our borders.
Listen for once to what's outside your door. Our world has rarely been in such a cataclysmic state. Russia, the world's largest country, is reverting back to Soviet-style repression as Vladimir Putin extinguishes the last hold the people had on his presidency. He now cannot be removed from power peacefully. China firmly maintains its grip on Taiwan and Tibet, while perpetuating a virulent human-rights record. In Iraq, 2 more American workers were beheaded- beheadings in a country we supposedly "civilized." Add that to the over 1000 soldiers' lives lost since the war began. Back at home, the evangelical right has launched a campaign to prevent homosexual marriage, and the Fascist theory rises again from the Neoconservative movement. It would be so sad if the greatest experiment in government- America- collapsed under the weight of stupidity, ignorance, and apathy. We're too wrapped up in our own vicious partisan black-vs-white rage that we cannot see that we are heading straight for a cliff.
Call me apocalyptic, but this cannot continue much longer. We're seriously going to destroy our culture, our society, our very system of government. Values we once cherished are being forfeited by our political system- liberty, happiness, and life. Its too easy to simply say that what's happening in Sudan doesn't matter to us. We're facing a complex problem here, and being simplistic about it is not going to solve anything, and time is running out. So for all of you who don't care, who don't know, and don't want to know, hear this: It is not about you or me. It is about the whole world.

Make yourself care.

Epileptic Excuses

Beginnings of endings and the often sought end of the world live in a little box near my amygdala, with a pencil sketch of the world in a tree and the dregs of herbal tea in a cup that has an orgy of elephants cavorting around its perimeter. It doesn't matter how I view the world to anybody. Arbitrary people tell me I'm beautiful and some days I look like I was mugged by bubbles. And after it all somebody still doesn't have the wit to tell me who I am.
Of course its everybody else's fault. I don't deal with blame in my department, anywho. Wouldn't it be great to dance away the cares of the world? But I can't dance- I took lessons and all that, but something didn't get filed away and now I gyrate my body in a fit of epileptic excuses.
The world's changed, they tell me. Things just aren't the same anymore. The sun is always watching me, and for some strange reason, the world's denying me the rain that my soul cries for. Just to hear the soft reassurance of the world, telling me that it's all ok- that would make it all worth it. To hear the presence of God outside your door and rush outside to feel the joy surround you, the depth and boundless, endless chorus of angelic voices. When you can feel the blessed saturation of the heavens and the sky that has dropped from its endless perch just for you- who needs love?
Yeah... who needs love, anyway?

New age cyanide, suicide and two-toned satellites.

You know that feeling you get when you're running downhill but it seems like you're really falling and every rock and obstacle you just narrowly avoid smashing into and you keep picking up speed and the path is getting twistier and more convoluted until you think the only thing keeping you alive is those animal reflexes in the back of your head and then My Goodness! out of nowhere appears a bear chasing you and there's a pack of wolves in front of you but you know if you just keep running as fast as you can it will be ok?

My life is like that right now.

There are few things worse than the armpit of an ape.

Know what? Life is a bloody soggy maggot-infested shitpile. A pile of cat shit. The stinky kind.
Hmph.
September will come and go, followed by October and November, pausing for December when the keystones of wisdom will be removed. After a period of discomfort, January will tiredly herald a new year and perhaps a new president, February will remind me of the void inside my soul and March will hide in a corner because it's a stupid month. If I'm not dead by that time April will assault me with a reminder that I am soon being shuffled off to colleges. Oh- wait! We forgot the large brick wall called the SATs. Ha. Silly me. May never means anything anyway, and come June, I will be one year older and none the wiser. In fact, the way this year is going, I may be mentally, socially and physically annihilated. *Shrugs* And here I thought I was going to die at twenty...

Quotebook

"Erik, have you seen my hairtie?"- James Kantner
"Karl, I'd like to remind you that... (pause)... I can weigh up to 4000 pounds."- James Kantner
"He looks like Katie Vaughn. Demented."- Me, in response to Karl's adoption of a hairtie.
"We already observed a moment of silence! Jeez, Erik, you made me waste all that time!"- Anthony Lam, loudly, during a moment of silence.
"Catholics are the world's largest vampire cult." - Joey
"Allo? Yes. Yes, I am teaching right now. No. Yes. No. I will call you during lunch. No. NO. (ends call)... AAUGH!" Madame Lent, 3rd period French.
"Calenders are.... wandering dervishes of the Sufis."- Ms. West
"We should adopt Mr. Souther as the period 1 english mascot!" - Ms. West

Yes, I think that is it. I'm now carrying around a notebook to record these things. There was one regarding the meaning of life compared to a bagel, but I've forgotten it.

==| September Eleventh, Two-Thousand and One. To those who have lost their lives, to those whose lives were ruined, and to those who managed to turn a collosal tradgedy into one of the biggest political shitfests in history.
We Shall Remember
9.11.04 |==

A warning.

There will be a day when everybody is accepted for who they are and who they choose to be. There will be a day when gay people can openly, without fear or shame, declare themselves. There will be a day when there is no need for affirmative action. There will be a day when we can all unanimously declare that we do not need guns or weapons. And, perhaps, there will be a day when everybody can respect each other for who they are.
That day is not this day. The day which I speak of may not come in our lifetime. But I'd like to think that somewhere, one person will wake up and see that it is not a sin to be gay, that war is not the answer, and that hatred is deadly. And I think that person can make all the difference in the world.
The leading cause of death among gay teenagers is suicide. Think why. Can you imagine the challenge of having most of the world hate you? Can you imagine the sense of complete alienation you would have, even from your own parents? Do you think you could deal with it? Do you think suicide is still the coward's way out?

Hatred doesn't only kill by violence.

Eck. Somebody shoot me before I suffer 180 more days of this madness.

Eeek! Insanity!

My teachers are fruitcakes! Nutcases! GARBONZO beans! I mean, HELL! I just had THREE FUCKING HOURS OF FUCKING HOMEWORK ON THE FIRST FUCKING DAY OF FUCKING SCHOOL! WAT DA FRUITCAEK?!

And add that to the fact that I think most of my teachers are truly, clinically insane. I really am not joking. They are strange. They make me look nearly insane. For example, Mr. Ringer informed us that he wanted to get rid of a number of kids, but that his preferred methods were not legal. So he'd settle for making our lives hell. and that APUSH he refers to as "a push. off a cliff. to see if you can fly."

Nearer to nothing than an Elephant

Well, this is getting rediculous. I have to move into the TV room whenever I want to go on the internet on my laptop, because my WiFi card has still not arrived. I'm getting real tired of this. Hmph.
My website is almost up at this point. I'm having a bit of trouble regarding text boxes and stuff, but I think I'll get it up before September 7th, the deadline. By the time I publish this post, the site Aerogenesis Studios will be up and running. There may not be anything on it, though, lol.

Death is always closer than you think.

A drunk driver hit a tree right outside our house tonight. This was his 4th DUI. Please, answer me this: what the hell was he doing driving? He could have killed somebody. And he lives right near us.
He was carried out of his totaled car on a stretcher.
I'm still shaken.

YEARG!
School starts soon!
GRIMBLEWETHER!

hmph. i thought i was looking forward to school but in fact, i am not. so poo.
i'm also feeling mildly childish this morning, er, afternoon. (I got up late, give me a break.)