Stop
I want to go home
take off this uniform and leave the show
but I'm waiting in this cell because I have to know
Have I been guilty all this time?
"Well, I have to go now."
"Aw, why?"
"Guess."
"Your dad needs the phone?"
"Nope..."
"George?"
"He's supposed to call about now."
"Oh. *...long silence...* Bye then."
"You sound sad, Erik. What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I was right, that's all. See you tomorrow."
"Um..."
*click*
Just breathe. Reach inside and breathe. Everything is going to work out, everything is going to be ok. Everything seeks equilibrium. Then why the hell am I crying? It shouldn't even matter to me. So she wants a boyfriend. Okay. I'm not her boyfriend, I'm not even attracted to her. Why the fuck do I care then? Am I really that starved for attention? Am I angry that the one person who loved me for who I am is trying as hard as they can to leave me? Yes. Yes, I am. And this time it feels real. It is real. Soon they'll start dating, and sooner or later this empty shell of my life is going to be rolling down the highway, chucked out of the pickup truck of their relationship.
And why shouldn't they? What have I offered her that would make me worth keeping? I can't love her like George would love her. I'm just a shoulder to cry on, a pillow to punch, an ear to yell in, cry in, whisper in. I'm simply an emptiness that talks back.
And after I wipe away the tears
just close your eyes, dear...
Into this night I wander
it's morning that I dread
another day of knowing of
the path I fear to tread
into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride
because nothing stands between us here
and I won't be denied,
and I would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard I'll take your breath away
and after I wipe away the tears,
just close your eyes...
I want to go home...
posted by Aermethys at 9:40 PM
2 Comments:
Erik, Bec needs to move on with relationships, but that doesn't mean you aren't going to play an important part in her life. You do so much for her that I was mad and pissed at you because you helped her in a way that I was never able to, and I have been her friend since 7th grade. I was jealous of the way she would tell you things and not me, she still looks to you and needs you for support. You truely help her in so many ways and will always be a big part of her life. She will still look to tell you things, you are the only one who truely understands you. Do you have any idea how long it took her to get over you? Trust me you were and are the most important thing in her life, she told me once that you opened her eyes to so many things and helped her in so many ways. She truely believes she is a better person and is better off because of your relationship with her. Anyway, don't feel too bad, you will always be important to her, if you really feel that way maybe you should talk to her about it, but I wouldn't really know, so its up to you, you would know best.
If you couldn't tell who this was, it was Lizzy. And Im really sorry you feel this way.
Yeah, I know, I was being really melodramatic and overreacting. I do that a lot, especially nowadays with the stress of school and stuff. It's hard to let go, even a little bit, because Becca really is the only person I can talk to. But I understand now, and understanding is the first step to acceptance. Thank you, Lizzy and Skidriprekah (who I'm going to call Kurt from now on), for your advice. It's comforting to know somebody's listening :)
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