Doublefeel

Oh there’s a loneliness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
It felt like cold blue ice in her heart
When all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart

There's a stranger speaks outside her door
Says take what you can from your dreams
And make them as real as anything
It’d take the work out of the courage

She says, “Please
There’s a crazy man, he's creeping outside my door,
I live on the corner of Grey Street
and the end of the world”

There’s an emptiness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
It's more like cold blue ice in her heart
She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
It breaks her heart
To grey

-Grey Street, Dave Matthews Band


I'm walking on a road, it's cold and windy. Reality surrounds me but it doesn't permeate me, because I see things that aren't there. I can see cities below me, trees above me, and all around me are the imaginations of my mind. I hear thoughts and I see melodies drifting past, waving their arms toward me like phantoms of happier days. I'm underwater and the sea is pouring in, I'm running backwards and my soul is streaming out of my eyes. I see my mind before me, a glowing sphere of blackened coal, and a voice inside my head says "Don't turn around, Erik, love, don't turn around..."
It's 5 in the morning and the sun has risen to solstice, I'm singing and air is turning to ice as I spin around and around. Oak trees are all around me, the sky is below me, and then I fall.
And I'm falling and falling and I've been awake forever. I've seen the world flash past me in a breath, I've heard voices on the wind. I'm falling towards hell but I'm entering heaven. I see spirits of my enemies and the tortured souls of those I love, while through it all I fall further and further towards a center, an apex. I'm at the end of time, I've reached the bottom.
Because we're alway falling through time. Everything we see is a movement of our fall. That's why we can't time travel, because we have nothing to push off from. We're always falling, and some days I feel like I'm falling faster than everybody else.

Nothing is real to me anymore. Reality scares me, people scare me, life itself scares me. The only thing that keeps me sure I'm here is that I can't fear reality if reality does not exist, so it must exist and I must be in it. But I swear, there's no difference between my dreams and my reality any longer.