Cadillac Dreams

Staring out of his window as the world rushes by,
Arthur Robinson closes the glass and replies
"I dream of ballerinas and I don't know why,
but I see Cadillacs sailing.

I was born on the shores of Chesapeak Bay, but
Maryland and Virginia have faded away
And I keep thinking tomorrow is coming today
so I am endlessly waiting..."
-Counting Crows

I've decided that I don't belong here. Its a sort of weird feeling, like being in a stranger's home. Everything seems... I don't know, false. School, home, life... it all seems like a staged production. I like to think that each day will be different, but truthfully I can pretty much guess with accuracy what's going to happen. It seems to me that life is a play- a really badly acted play, stiffly played by unwilling actors.

I keep seeing myself running out of my house to the misty forest outside my door (there isn't one), running into the forest, never to be seen again by mortal man. I don't see anything after the forest, I just see myself being absorbed into the mist and being happy.

This world is such a load of crap. Everybody is just acting a part they think they have to play, when they don't realize all that matters is simply noticing the creaks of a piano bench during your favorite song. And in the end of our life, when we look back, we'll remember all the stupid things we did, all the failures and the shortcomings and the crimes. It seems like we'd be better off by simply acting true to ourselves so we'd have less to regret at the end. And somehow we never do that.

I write this and yet I'm basically living a lie to all but a few people. Way to stay true to yourself, Erik.

Fucking hypocrite.

If you've never stared off into the distance, then your life is a shame...